[old joke] Add Your Vocab..

This joke is in the oldest e-mail archive that I still keep, dated back to the year 2000.

It still manages to get a bit of chuckles out of me, even though I still don't 'get' the Hokkien part.

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The English did invent the English Language but they cannot use it
effectively (in as few words as possible) when communicating their
intentions. Just compare these few phrases that Asians and Britons use
to say the same thing especially when Singapore is trying to promote
proper usage of English.



1. In Shopping Mall

Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you
want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other
outlets for you.

Asian : No stock-lah!

Hokkien : Bo liao!!

Malay : Habuk pun tadak.



2. Returning a call

Briton : Hello, this is John Wilkinson. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?

Asian : Hallo, who page eh?

Hokkien : Allo - siang ka pay-jer ??!!

Malay : Eh eh, siapa cari I ??



3.When someone is in the way

Briton : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?

Asian : S-kews!

Hokkien : Siam!! ka nim bey siam!

Malay : Tepi, tepi. Na lalu ni.



4. When someone offers to pay

Briton : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Asian : No --- nid.

Hokkien : Neber mind lar!! wa heng lui!!

Malay : dah... dah baya.



5. When asking to be excused

Briton : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents.Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.

Asian : Toy lert, toy lert, anyone?

Hokkien : wa ke pang sai ...........

Malay : Buang air dulu..



6.When entertaining

Briton : Please make yourself right at home

Asian : Don't be shy-lah

Hokkien : mai ke ki hor!

Malay : Jangan malu-lah, buat macam harta mak bapa kau.



7. When doubting someone

Briton : I don't recall you giving me the money

Asian : Where got ?

Hokkien : Ka ni nar ...... mai kay kay hor !

Malay : Jangan merepek-lah, pergi-lah lu.



8. When declining an offer

Briton : I'd prefer not to do that if you don't mind

Asian : Doe - waaaaaaa

Hokkien : Mai............

Malay : Tak ma.....u...... lah



9. When deciding on a plan of action

Briton : What do you propose we do now that the movie is sold out and all the restaurants are closed?

Asian : So how?

Hokkien : tong gim ai cho si mi???

Malay : Apoh nak buat ???



10. when disagreeing on a topic of discussion

Briton : Err, Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you are
coming from but I really have to disagree with what you said about.

Asian : You mad, ah?

Hokkien : mai siao lar !!

Malay : Gila-ah lu.



11. When asking someone to lower their voice

Briton : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Asian : Shaddap lah!

Hokkien : mai ka nim bey kau pay kau bu lar !!

Malay : Eh!! Diam-lah, tutup mulut.



12. When asking someone if he or she knows you

Briton : Excuse me but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Asian : See what? Never see before, ah??

Hokkien : Kwa kwa! kwa si mi? bo kwa kay si bo?

Malay : Tengot apa lu, mau kena, ah??



13. When asking for permission

Briton : Excuse me but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Asian : [pointing at the door] can or not ?

Hokkien : ........................... [ no need to ask ]

Malay : Tepi, tepi. Lu punya bapa punya jalan, kah?







Image source: Cartoonstock.com



PS. This new version of Multiply
doesn't let me post photos (unless I use the tag system/html code) nor
arrange font size and colour! *growl*